I've been abstaining from participating in this phenomenon until a
proper viewing of "Trapped in the Closet: An Urban Opera by R. Kelly,"
but was fortunate to catch it in its entirety last night on VH1.

I now confidently cast my vote for R. Kelly, who should now be counted
among the ranks of Homer, Dickens, John Wells, and Aaron Spelling
because of the many, many layers of drama and emotion that can only
come from a man who likes to pee on teenage girls. Ah yes, nothing
quite like accidentally cheating on your wife, waving a gun around,
threatening to set a house on fire, getting a cramp while your wife is
probably finally going to climax, trying to handle things the
Christian way, and admitting to constantly having a "stupid look" on
your face. Thank you, R. Kelly, for your compelling and
easy-to-understand dialogue and character development, and for making
a video that even my dead dog would be able to write a book report on.

I freaking loved this video.