I grew up in the eighties. My introduction to the Fantastic 4
was a bit different than older Marvel fans. I first saw them on
reruns of “The Funtastic World of Hanna Barbera”.
Crude animation aside, I fell in love with the big orange rock
guy, quite simply known as “The Thing”. I loved them.
I loved them all. This was kind of like a nuclear family with
super powers. The Incredibles, before there was the Incredibles.
As a side note, there was this huge rubber Thing doll that exploded
out of a cage that I wanted. It was at Models in Commack in the
toy aisle. The Thing even glowed!
My mom never got it for me. It’s the one toy I want, mainly
because I couldn’t have it.
Okay back the story, er, review. Look I promise, there is a review
somewhere in here about the new Fantastic 4 movie. This is all
build up and foreplay until we get to that.
In the early 90’s schlock B-movie producer held the rights
to the Fantastic 4 film. He was running out of time before the
rights reverted back to Marvel. Now he had to shoot this thing
quick. Oh and he did. It was a piece of shit that I actually think
is kind of funny. It’s like the Fantastic Four with the
budget of an average Power Rangers episode. I know your saying,
“ Jerry; I never saw this film?!” Well most people
never did. Marvel forced them to shelve it and never allow it
to sold or released. However a copy can be attained by some slob
at a comic convention for ten bucks.
If you don’t believe me, contact Peter King. He’s
got a great bootleg of this turd.
With the box office success of Blade, X-Men and Spiderman. It
was inevitable we would see some sort of incarnation of The Fantastic
4 at some point. After years of waiting, years of developmental
Hell. We get the big budget adaptation we have all longed for!
Directed by the guy who made “Barbershop”? Now don’t
me wrong, I love the Barbershop trilogy. But, Tim Story? There
are like 50 guys I would have let direct this thing besides the
guy who made Barbershop. Anyways, let’s give this a go for
the love of Marvel. Oh yes, Marvel. The same people who have fucked
up, The Punisher (how do you fuck up that one, he’s a vigilante
with a gun) The Hulk (Damn you Ang Lee, you have brought shame
upon your once noble resume) Daredevil (I’m just going to
say that Affleck can ruin anything that isn’t directed by
Kevin Smith) I haven’t seen Elektra and I shall try to keep
it that way.
One last prayer: please do not fuck up Ghost Rider; he’s
like one of my top five favorites. Please show that there is an
existence of a God somewhere.
Here we go kids, are you ready? My review of The Fantastic 4:
WHAT WORKED:
Michael Chiklis, “nailed” the part as “The
Thing”. He rose above the script to give a sympathetic and
somber performance. The actor who played “The Human Torch”
was quite good. Some the effects were pretty neat…….but…..
The movie is cool when they get their powers. After that there
isn’t too much to the flick. At least they got The Thing
outfit right. Again I hate to say it but, this is The Thing’s
movie. He has the most emotion and dramatic levity to be an interesting
protagonist.
WHAT DIDN’T WORK?
….Some the effects seemed dated and cheesy. Mr. Fantastic
and The Invisible girl were completely miscast. I understand fully
that Jessica Alba is a hot piece of tail; however, she can’t
play any other role than uh, Jessica Alba. The movie was campy
and brought back flashbacks of the Joel Schumacher Batman flicks.
(A dark time for fans of comic books and cinema alike) I could
nitpick all the stuff that’s wrong with this flick. I choose
not to though. The less you know about the comics, the more you
might enjoy this movie. They changed a good deal of the origin,
just to warn you. This movie might have benefited from being set
in the early sixties. The world is a far too serious and sarcastic
place for The Fantastic Four. Plus after all the incredible films
that came before this, the 4 just don’t seem all that “fantastic”.
By far “Batman Begins”, is the comic book adaptation
You have been waiting for. One last thing: Dr.Doom is such a kick
ass villain; they made him a lame pansy.
IS IT WORTH THE 10 BUCKS?
No, not really. However a matinee with the kiddies will be just
fine. I saw this with a group comprised mostly of kids and they
seemed to really dig it. Kind of like the ninja turtles flicks.
It’s harmless goofy fun. I admit, in some ways I enjoyed
it.
ALL IN ALL?
You could do a lot worse than this. Yet in a lot of ways it’s
just over hyped, mass marketed summer fluff. Perhaps a more competent
director could have made this a really amazing movie. I wouldn’t
mind seeing a sequel with a better script and different director.
Two out of four stars
