PEPSI'S HOLIDAY SPICE
review by Jerry Horror
Sunday, December 05, 2004

Yep. It's that time of year again. However there are no sugar plums dancing
in my head. My pants, maybe. Smell the cash being thrown oh so recklessly at crap people won't buy. Pepsi has even bottled all that cheer in a variety of
bottles, they call their nasty concoction: HOLIDAY SPICE. Chug some of those swill down, it shall be gone once it's no longer profitable. Until next
year, when they put all the leftover crap out, to steal your hardly earned
dough In all actuality I think the beverage isn't all that bad, it's like Pepsi
with chai and cinnamon. All in all your life can be shit, but, for under two
bucks the holiday cheer can be all yours. Genius, true genius. I can't wait
too see what they drop for Easter. Maybe Cadbury Cream cola? If so I thought of it first, so Pepsi definitely give me a call. God it's been 40 years almost since Charlie Brown had a Christmas special. Leave to my man Chuck to realize even then X-mas had become a commercial event/ordeal focusing on buying love, rather than feeling it. I saw two grown women fight over a Barbie sleeping bag on sale last week. Pretty sad, but, hey, if that's their biggest problem, I envy those two minivan skanks. Anyways, this will be the first year I will not be working in retail for the holidays. Last year for some extra cash I worked at Toys R Fucked. After that traumatic experience, I know why Geoffrey Giraffe is filing chapter 11. Yup the evil Mega Corporation known as Target fired me for being on break too long. Three weeks before Christmas. They're all scumbags and karmas a bitch. They'll get theirs. I'm actually happy though. I'm going to really take time out and enjoy this festive season. No more retail, in fact I'm applying to colleges as we speak.

I truly now know what the expression: Keep Christ in Christmas really means. I also believe everyone in this country should work one Holiday season in retail, it truly would destroy the likes of most men.